Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I Love Being a C List Comedian


As I've discussed many times before, there was a time when MTV and VH1 were considered music networks that showed rock videos, but that era has long since passed us by. Most of their daily schedule is filled with various trashy reality shows. Trashy celebrity dating shows, trashy households of Ed Hardy meatheads and orange tanned sluts, trashy rehab shows about former child stars. Whatever. VH1 however, came up with a concept for a show that trumps all of these other shows in terms of mindless entertainment value. A show that requires no talent of it's cast/panel other than the ability to make a moderately funny comment (or just...comment) on a pop culture trend. I am speaking of course of their hit series "I Love The 80's" and it's various other decade offshoots.

I Love The 80's is an utterly retarded concept for a television show. Some asshole network executive at VH1 seriously sat down and had the following lightbulb thoughts arise: "Wait a minute..people LOVE the 80s..and being nostalgic...and having conversations where they make moderately funny observations about how things were different back in the day. Why don't we make an entire fucking tv series where we just reference old pop culture events/trends/movies/music etc...and people comment on them??" Are you kidding me? People on VH1 actually get PAID to make the same observations about everyday pop culture references that you and your buddies make while sitting on your couch, or enjoying a brew at the local watering hole. These people on the show don't even make observations that are say..."observant." They just make the first obvious remark that pops in their head when being reminded of the pop culture issue in question.

This is the worst part of the "I Love The..." series. It is a show comprised of a panel of comedians...and NONE of them are funny..at all. Vh1 knew that people would watch the show just for the nostalgia factor of remembering the Rubix Cube, so they invested no money in getting people together that might actually make a clever observation once an hour. Or getting anybody who might have a humorous anecdote they can relate to the show's subject matter. No instead they just got together the most generic comedians with about as much combined personality as a PTA meeting to provide the "comic relief" on this show about loving the good ol' days when people wore crazy outfits and microwaves had just been invented.

Just like the cover of your university welcome pamphlet, VH1 makes the effort to have their show represented by a diverse collection of losers from all racial demographics and both genders. Each of these comedians fits right into their stereotypical niche when commenting on the pop culture issues referenced in the show. A hispanic comedian will relate the issue to his culture. A female comedian will say a movie's lead actor was dreamy. A black comedian will use urban slang to describe a show's premise. Michael Ian Black will be awkward and white and say something dorky:

(Discussion on Macgyver)

Unfunny Female Comedian: "ugh huuuuuge crush on Richard Dean Anderson"
Unfunny Black Comedian: "Macgyver was dope yo! That dude ain't fuck around!"
Michael Ian Black: "I always appreciated Macgyver's ability to accesorize...(Makes ironically gay facial expression)
Intellectual Gay Guy: "Macgyver was another example of an 80's heartthrob opting for a faaabulously trashy pseudo mullet hairstyle."
Unfunny Latino Comedian: Mexicans weren't really impressed wit' Macgyver. Like yeah my cousin can start a car with some wires and a paper clip too ain't nobody giving him a tv series homes.

Wow. Every comment covering that topic was completely obvious, not insightful at all and didn't even bring me to a giggle. You unfunny dickholes. How the fuck did you score a gig as a "comedian?"

(If a discussion of an 80's Rom-Com arises an Asian comic will inevitably step in and observe that Asians are often portrayed as awkward dorks in teen comedies. Just wanted to make sure and cover all stereotypes there.)

After the success of "I Love the 80's" VH1 branched out into a wide variety of spinoff variations on this stupid show. I love the 7o's, 90's and New Millenium soon followed. Same format, same pattern of pop culture references. Same collection of unfunny douchebags. Jesus Christ. Enough already. I can sit at the bar with my bro and note that "Shaft was one bad dude." We can note that we had a crush on Paula Abdul in 1989. Anybody can recall memorizing the Nintendo code for "Contra." I don't need entire TV series' devoted to making these obvious nostalgic observations for me. Especially if you're not gonna be clever about it. I'd like my to have my nostalgic discussions in the privacy of my own home without the presence of Michael Ian Black's unfunny irony present to ruin it, thank you very much.

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